'The Quiet Carriage' by Philip Whitehead

- …Yep, made it…I lost him...see you at Waterloo…Bye.

- Excuse me, Miss…

- What is it?

- Just to say, this is the Quiet Carriage and your telephone…

- Ohhh, sorry darlin’. Ah, the Quiet Carriage. Look, on silent now. You going all the way then?

- Er, no, just as far as Ax…

- I love trains, don’t you? Such a peaceful way of travelling...

- Yes, I…

- Dreadful isn’t it?

- Wh…What…?

- There, your front page…Those murders…Glad to be getting back to London – feel safer there!

- Yes, it’s very unusual in this part of…

- No motive and no M.O. That’s what they’re saying, the police.

- What did you say your name was?

- Oh, it’s Barrie.

- Barrie…Nice. Jane, that’s me, plain Jane. I like that about trains…get to meet interesting people.

- Well, I’m not sure I’m that inter…

- Local then?

- Yes, I suppose I am now, I lived in Lon…

- Lovely! I like that, when people have roots. Rolling stone, that’s me. You retired?

- Well, yes, I…

- Wife?

- No, I live on my own. My wi…

- Must be lovely, do what you want, when you want.

- Oops, phone again. See, it’s on silent now. Oh bloody hell! How did he get this num…

- Look, I’ll just move seats…

- No, don’t do that, Barrie. What’s your stop? Ax something? Nice there is it?

- Axminster. It’s a little er, sleepy.

- Sleepy! Sounds perfect! Might give it a try.

- But, I thought you were going to Water…

- Like I said, rolling stone…

             - Oh, oh, text this time. No peace from these things!

- I wouldn’t know, I don’t…

- God! Oh, shit! Barrie, you’ve got to help me. It’s this guy…he’s on the train…Thought I lost him in Exeter.

- What…Why?

- He says I owe him.

- I can’t give you money.

- Don’t want your money, Barrie.

‘NEXT STATION STOP AXMINSTER; AXMINSTER NEXT STATION STOP’

- I’ve got to get off. You got a car?

- Yes, it’s in the car par…

- Perfect… just up the road, that’s all…put me on a bus or something.

- You’re a lifesaver, Barrie.

- But, I really think we should call the poli…

- No need to do that. Any chance of a cup of tea?

- Look, one cup of tea, then I’ll take you back…

- You’re a treasure, Barrie. That looks nice. Mind if I cut myself a slice?

- Oh, yes, of course.

- Knife?

- Just in the drawer, there.

- Ah, lovely! This’ll do the job.

- You know, Barrie, that thing about motive?

- Sorry?

- Motive, Barrie. Keep up darlin’!

- The police, always looking for motive…

- I don’t understand?

- The motive – it’s pleasure, sheer pleasure!
…And the Quiet Carriage.

- The Quiet Carriage?

- You sit in the Quiet Carriage expecting a bit of - quiet. See, that’s my M.O…