'Bad Habit' by Copper Rose

The nun mumbled to a man she didn’t know while she pushed her cart through the grocery store, “I’ve gotten into a bad habit. Cola. I can’t get enough of it. God is disappointed. I don’t think he’s so disappointed he’d send me to hell, but it’s been on my mind. I can’t stand the thought of God being disappointed in me. But cola, it’s so good when you pour it over ice and then sip it real slow. I’ve tried it without the ice. It isn’t the same. But then I think, maybe if I suffer a little God won’t be so disappointed in me. It will help my case if he knows I suffered, at least a little, when I make myself drink cola without ice.

“Mother Superior disagrees about the issue of suffering. She knows more than I do, about God. What she doesn’t know, she can always ask a priest. The priests know everything one needs to know about what God expects.

“Maybe I should put the cola back -- just put it back on the shelf along with all the other sodas. I tried a bargain brand one time. It was right next to my favorite band name cola, but it didn’t do the trick. It reminded me of a man I worked with once. He loved Canadian whiskey. Those Canadians, they know how to make whiskey, not that I know personally—it’s just what I’ve heard.

“Anyway, this man tried switching to a different brand of whiskey, not even a bargain brand, like the bargain brand soda I tried to switch to. He said it wasn’t the same. He said it wasn’t as fun. I knew what he was talking about because of the time I tried the bargain brand soda. I really knew. I told him he might have to give up whiskey altogether. Give up his habit.

“Oh, I know. I’ve got to give up this habit of liking this cola so much,” she said, as she tugged at her habit, which appeared quite a bit too snug.

I bet it was all the cola she was drinking.