We don’t say falling by chance
says my analyst as I tell him how this love hit me out of nowhere, like a train at full speed, despite my stopping at the level crossing, observing all the rules, those codified and those we whisper to each other as we look down on people who don’t play by the book, and deserve to be punished and we all rejoice when that happens because despite knowing life is never fair we all stubbornly wish it was and we believe that could never happen to us or to our inner circle where everyone just goes with the flow, never crosses train tracks, because at our age we know it takes nothing to come off the rails, the fleeting delusion of feeling alive for the first time, because you don’t know you’re alive until you are dead and another thing we all know but wish wasn’t true is that you die well before you heart stops, you die in so many slow and painful ways it actually makes sense that a train would hit you at full speed as you patiently wait at the red light, derailing just enough to shake you out of your slumber and put you back on your feet.
Eleonora Balsano is an Italian-born writer based in Brussels. In 2023, she was nominated for a Pushcart Prize, long listed for the Wigleaf Top 50 and in 2021 she was shortlisted for the Bridport Prize. Her writing is featured in Portland Review, Fictive Dream, JMWW, and elsewhere. Eleonora is the host and producer of Chosen Tongue, a podcast dedicated to translingual writers and their journeys. You can find her on Twitter @norami, Instagram @ebalwriter, and on her website: eleonorabalsano.net
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