'Everyone Deserves a Vacation' by Melanie Mulrooney

It's my first day at SPG. The agency said it’s a high-risk job, but I like a challenge. And I need to eat.

Gus, the lead engineer, seems nice enough. “Jimmy, you’re in for some fun.” He holds up a green bundle. “The Boss wants to take his kids camping, so we’re gonna test this tech-enhanced sleeping bag in the wind tunnel.”

“Why a wind tunnel?”

Gus shrugs. “Sometimes it’s windy out there.”

I nod, pretending this makes sense, and head inside the 30-foot-high structure at the back of the warehouse. I step into the bag, zipping the slick fabric until only my face peeks out. It’s pretty cozy in here.

Gus hits a button and I’m lifted into the air, spinning uncontrollably without arms or legs for balance.

No chance to deal with that, because cans of stew are shooting from the walls, hurtling toward me at 100mph. What the hell?!

One hits me square in the stomach. I feel nothing. Maybe this won’t—

Is that a raccoon? The surprised animal is somersaulting my way. We’re both squealing.

Tiny claws scratch at me on each pass. Why doesn’t this thing have a face cover?!

Holy— Are those flames? I smell burnt hair and mourn my left eyebrow.

I am about to die. Murdered by an irate raccoon and fiery stew.

Everything stops.

I hit the ground. Landing on the raccoon.

I tell Gus I don’t think I’m cut out for this work. He laughs. No one quits Supervillain Protective Gear Inc.