Saturday 24 June 2023

'Iris Grime’s Smartphone Diary' by Jan Kaneen



๐Ÿ’ฉday flipping burgers & dodgin octopus boss’s slimeball tentacles Back indoors was chillin on-line when weird ad popped-up, Lucky Stilettoes 4Sale, killer heels, arterial red, pinprick tipped &sharp-sharp-SHARP. Like clickbait I am, followed link. Totes to-die-for but cash-strapped. ๐Ÿ˜ญ ๐Ÿ˜ญ


Spent shift dodging. Back home lay on bed gazing & gazing @ clickbait shoes. Then… …housemate hides cloned credit card in empty fag packet at back of sock drawer & never ever locks his door.


Happy days! Boss off sick & after work parcel on doorstep addressed in handwritten slashes like that chiller typeface. Even sexier in flesh. Went clubbing, no plasters needed. So bloody comfy like part of my feet.


100% dodged then took new shoes dancing. Did their thang coz Tommo asked me back to his. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜Floated home wondering why I’ve always been afraid of midnight city coz underpass totes exhilarating - corrugated shutters, funneling wind, heels click-clacking past battened shopfronts.


Double shift. ๐Ÿคฎ๐ŸคฎDouble tentacled. ๐Ÿคฎ๐ŸคฎDay off tomoz TF.


OMG. The shoes! Slept till dark then walked for hours – everywhere, anywhere – past neon shopfronts in bright white moonlight, heels click-clacking into City Road Subway, then they just stopped. Walking I mean & couldn’t get them off. Twisted round under deserted strip-lights as distant footfalls dull-thudded nearer. A hooded figure coming nearer, hungry eyes, darting, skittish. He couldn’t believe his bloody luck as shoes danced me forward. High kicking, sliding me, right up to him. Then one shoe shot off & my right hand caught it quicksilver fast by the killer heel - the actual, actual KILLER heel. I was somewhere else sort of watching it happen as his jugular sprayed the subway crimson.


They’re redder this morning, sharper, shinier. I’ll wear them to work & boss’ll think it’s his day. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

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