Saturday 24 June 2023

'Become a Patreon at $5 A Month for Amy’s Escape Accessories' by Elena Sichrovsky

I’ve been working on this thing to solve couple’s arguments. Not talk therapy or mirror exercises or any of that puppy-pastel shit. Maybe that works if you have a second apartment in the city to run off to, but for me and my girlfriends who got cover-up tattoos over knuckle indents, we need something a little more…dynamic.

It was Belinda and her Youtube knitting channel that inspired me.

So far I’ve done a few test runs with cucumbers wearing condoms (I’m not going to subject a rat to misogyny). I got the result I wanted but not at the speed I was aiming for. I want more than a solution, I want something women will text their friends about in the middle of the day. Something they’re so excited to talk about that they’ll forget their go-to Starbucks order.

Belinda got me a focus group from her Youtube groupies.

Turned out that the exact preciseness, or lack thereof, didn’t bother the group. What they really loved was the mockup I drew of how their boyfriend or husband would react. I’m no artist, but I think I conveyed it clearly enough because everyone went

oh my god yeah exactly I just want to see him like that

(he grabs your wrist for the third time this week, blood blueing at his pressure, but you’ve got Amy’s Escape Armband under your sleeve and all you need to do is tug in the opposite direction and leave him standing there with your empty skin, from elbow to fingerprint, sagging in his shaking palms like a wet laundry glove)

(it grows back in 1-2 weeks, pink and hopeful)

(Amy’s Escape Armband expands to Amy’s Escape Anklet and Amy’s Escape Areloa and Amy’s Escape Adam’s Apple)

                                   I just want to see him afraid

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