Saturday, 27 June 2015

'Wasted On The Young' by Ed Broom

Tesco Metro at half-eight wasn't where I expected to find Oscar Wilde. Yet there he stood, fresh-faced and frizzy-haired, an unexpected icon in the bagging area. Rather than velvet jacket, knee breeches and cane, he sported a crumpled blazer, poorly-tied tie and Fila rucksack. Then again, which of us doesn't struggle in the morning?

Evidently relishing his new-found immaturity, Oscar LOL-ed as his colleague - Bosie, I presume - turned up the volume of the self-service machine. Most of the pair's doughnuts had disappeared before they reached the automatic door. Near the exit, I noticed Oscar pause to take in the heading on the whiteboard:

Did You Find The Products You Wanted In Store Today?

Handwritten suggestions from the Great British public ranged from the forcefully-inked (British apples) to the fading (maple syrup pancakes) to the faint (satay something). Oscar pulled the aged marker from its Blu-Tack grip, added his twopenn'orth and strode out to rejoin Bosie.

Perhaps he'd struggled to locate any sandalwood cologne or Trafalgar shaving cream? After all, I know from personal experience that this branch can't seem to maintain an adequate stock of Head & Shoulders.

Confident that Oscar had left the building, I sidled over to view the great man's words:


I wish I had written that.


  1. That is just so damned ace. As the saying goes: I wish I had written that.

  2. Love it! Especially 'an unexpected icon in the bagging area' ...

  3. Angi & Sal -- bless the pair of you!


FlashFlood 2023 is OPEN for submissions for one week only!

We are delighted to announce that we are open for submissions for FlashFlood 2023 from 12:01 a.m. BST on Sunday, 30 April to 23:59 BST on Sa...