Saturday 27 June 2015

"Tank" by Tara White

To do:
Buy avocadoes
Eat them
Drink water. Dehydration causes 99% of lunacy. Maybe your kidneys can talk sense into your adrenals them if you ask them nicely
Remember – more –

Remember wanting more?
You are in a tank, your friends are talking but not to you, towards you. It is normal. You live here.
There is always more. It’s just further away than ever, and you can’t prove it’s not one of those desert things you used to know the word for.

What not to do –
  Ask why 
  How is even worse
  Be yourself
  Talk to people
  Consume ANY psychoactive substance
  Read philosophy of ANY DENOMINATION*
  Expect to be understood. Tank admits one.
*This is a survival game. Do not fuck with this. High thought could kill you right now. This is evolution at work. You owe it to the gene pool. You are floating in it. One false move and you’re a dodo. Kierkegaard don’t care.

Things you can do:
  Small things
  Drink some water in the shower

Remember –
  Things that stop you from shaking

      You are in Tank because you have starved. Go. Float, and be with your bones. Go deep enough, find parts of yourself. Pick them up and look at them. Do everything in your power to remember. Be gentle. Number them. Set them down on a shelf.

Things to forget -
  The complete absurdity of your role in your own life
  Yesterday, but only if it was better than this

Instead –
   - Teach yourself small things. You can remember small things. How to hold a pen. How to knit. Songs are good, too.
   - Go to where fascination lives. Summon every scrap of strength. Make a fist. Knock on the door. Knock harder.

Move away from –
  Bad habits unless they won’t let you, in which case be glad
  Anyone who wouldn’t die for you

  Eat mushy foods, sleep a lot. Be exactly the blinking newborn thing you are.
  Burn your old skin, when you are strong*
*Careful, or you’ll fill up with pus and get all gross and weepy. Avoid dessicants and easterly breezes
  Know that you are good, that the world is as it was but changed utterly
  Know that every woman is your sister, your lover, your mother, your second cousin
  Every man is also that, too
  Know that you are air but heavier and more together
  Know that the world will one day electrify you again - more
  Remember, want. Tank is a place you go to heal, set the broken parts. Tank is friend.
 Things will be too bright for a couple of days.

                                                   That's ok
       Whole secret rooms fill, with the quiet song of your breath

Little victories
                     Take them all
                                          Put them on a shelf

Be gentle

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