'The Latest Lidl Leaflet' by Ed Broom

Ah, there's Danny now with the latest word from Mother. Max hears the letterbox pushed open with a squeak. He reminds himself to spend some of his per diem on a can of WD40 (£1.89 for 300ml). Danny's footsteps retreat.
Although they've never met, Max has come to think of that delivery boy as "Danny". He'd like to say hello, exchange a few idioms. Mother said to assimilate. Mother also said to lay low.
Max closes the front room blinds, pads into the hall and counts to 50 before easing the latest Lidl leaflet from the slot. Taking a seat at the kitchen table, he runs a warm iron over the folded sheets. What are Mother’s instructions this week?

There are bedding plants on the front cover. These mean nothing to Max. Inside are office supplies. He thinks back to that October afternoon when, tucked away on page 3, he found the A4 guillotine (£9.49, with paper guide) and duly carried out his mission. A fine, bright day.

Shirts and socks, "Comfortable And Casual", occupy the centre spread. His gaze comes to rest on the smiling lady in her seamless sleeveless top (£3.99, sizes 10-24). Max closes his eyes to better picture his wife's face. He's been too long in this country.
Overleaf is a pets special. Max blinks twice, breathes deep and scans the page. After all these months, there it is, the electronic cat flap (£64.95, works with your pet’s existing microchip). Mother says come home.