Yes, Mum, I’ll remember to call. I’ll remember to keep my bank card and cash in my travel belt, which I will wear at all times, even in the shower. OK, not in the shower. I’ll check hostels for cockroaches and the cleanliness of restaurant kitchens. I will not eat anything from a stall or anything with flies on, or where there could have been flies, or anything that has been touched by human hand. Monkey chefs any good? I know this is serious. I promise to eat properly. But only cooked stuff, except salad, right? I won’t eat salad. Fruit? No fruit, other than peelable bananas that I will peel without touching the fruit? No bananas. I will eat properly, as long as it doesn’t include any fruit or vegetables. I’m not trying to be a smart-arse. No alcohol. A small beer with a meal? OK, no alcohol, ever. Please don’t talk about that, Mum. Please do not say that word one more time. I am not listening. Laa laa. OK, I am listening. Look at me listening with my listening ears. All listen. Just don’t go on about sex. Please, not the condom talk. Enough, Mum. Really! Keep with my friends. Don’t use buses. Don’t talk to strangers. Don’t go off with strangers, however charming they are. Do not under any circumstances get in a car with a stranger. Other than a taxi driver? So, no taxis, other than when I need a taxi because I can’t use a bus, right? What about lions, Mum? I’m not taking the piss, it’s just that... Right, will do. No lions, no monkey chefs, no fruit, no veg, no buses, no taxis, no alcohol, definitely no sex at all whatsoever. And have the best time ever. Certainly will.
Saturday, 18 June 2022
'I will check the cleanliness of restaurant kitchens' by Ruth Brandt
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
FlashFlood 2023 is OPEN for submissions for one week only!
We are delighted to announce that we are open for submissions for FlashFlood 2023 from 12:01 a.m. BST on Sunday, 30 April to 23:59 BST on Sa...
-
One day the planet tilted just ever so slightly to the left and everyone and everything I’d ever known in between fell off. It wasn’t easy t...
-
A girl sits, waiting. She reaches above her head for a girl. A girl to pluck from the tree of girls. The tree is full and ripe, the perfect ...
-
A shaft of sunlight fell across the worn herringbone floor, drawing his gaze upwards to the flawless blue sky beyond the row of windows, ...
Love it!
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂
ReplyDelete