"Tank" by Tara White

To do:

Buy avocadoes

Eat them

Drink water. Dehydration causes 99% of lunacy. Maybe your kidneys can talk sense into your adrenals them if you ask them nicely

Remember – more –

Remember wanting more?

You are in a tank, your friends are talking but not to you, towards you. It is normal. You live here.

There is always more. It’s just further away than ever, and you can’t prove it’s not one of those desert things you used to know the word for.

What not to do –

  Ask why 

  How is even worse

  Pretend

  Be yourself

  Talk to people

  Consume ANY psychoactive substance

  Read philosophy of ANY DENOMINATION*

  Expect to be understood. Tank admits one.

*This is a survival game. Do not fuck with this. High thought could kill you right now. This is evolution at work. You owe it to the gene pool. You are floating in it. One false move and you’re a dodo. Kierkegaard don’t care.

Things you can do:

  Small things

  Sleep

  Shower

  Drink some water in the shower

Remember –

  Things that stop you from shaking

      You are in Tank because you have starved. Go. Float, and be with your bones. Go deep enough, find parts of yourself. Pick them up and look at them. Do everything in your power to remember. Be gentle. Number them. Set them down on a shelf.

Things to forget -

  Blame

  Inadequacy

  The complete absurdity of your role in your own life

  Money

  Yesterday, but only if it was better than this

Instead –

   - Teach yourself small things. You can remember small things. How to hold a pen. How to knit. Songs are good, too.

   - Go to where fascination lives. Summon every scrap of strength. Make a fist. Knock on the door. Knock harder.

Move away from –

  News

  Soaps

  Gameshows

  Bad habits unless they won’t let you, in which case be glad

  Anyone who wouldn’t die for you

NOW

  Eat mushy foods, sleep a lot. Be exactly the blinking newborn thing you are.

  Burn your old skin, when you are strong*

*Careful, or you’ll fill up with pus and get all gross and weepy. Avoid dessicants and easterly breezes

  Know that you are good, that the world is as it was but changed utterly

  Know that every woman is your sister, your lover, your mother, your second cousin

  Every man is also that, too

  Know that you are air but heavier and more together

  Know that the world will one day electrify you again - more

MORE

  Remember, want. Tank is a place you go to heal, set the broken parts. Tank is friend.

 Things will be too bright for a couple of days.

                                                   That's ok

                            

                         Listen

       Whole secret rooms fill, with the quiet song of your breath

Little victories

                     Take them all

                                          Put them on a shelf

Be gentle