'Sex in the City in the style of a Clock Work Orange' by Sarah Hair

‘Come,’ I said: ‘my sisters, it is a choodessny day to spend some cutter.’ And they, which are Sally, Fiona, Donna and Violet were all looking like starving chicks waiting to be fed. I found it very hard not to be as excited, but my platties were so very old that I had to plesk abit of dobby cutter from my hoards, but with that, Sally said ‘I don’t have any money, I will just come window shopping.’

And indeed, O my sisters, I knew when out shopping with my devotchkas, I knew that that dobby pischa mesto was like calling me, O my sisters, since the day I first tried that dobby pischcha I could never be like weaned.

‘And I will watch you all eat,’ said Sally, ‘I suppose I should be on a diet anyway with these trunks for legs.’ Then she like grabbed a chunk of her thigh and said: ‘See, see. Time to make a start,’ all my dobby devotchkas smecking with radosty, then she like sat down. She said: ‘Seriously I can’t watch you all eat, I should stay here,’ and then put her head down. So I was put on the spot and felt all shilarny that Sally would be missing out, so I wondered if the others were feeling this shilarny, but skorry soon they all like jumped up. They squeaked: ‘dear we will pay for your pischcha. No problem.’

‘Wonderful,’ I said, with relief. I did not quite have enough cutter to spare, the dress the purse the shoes to go with it all, I had to get. I looked around, at all my devotchas, their litsos full of radosty that we were all setting off on our pretty polly spree. Sally looking all a bit gloopy and said: ‘I don’t know what to say my friends, you are all awfully kind. I am ever so sorry though for this trouble.’ I said: ‘forget the appy polly loggy. These dama’s offered, it is only an insult to refuse, now we must shop.’

‘Of course, let’s go shopping,’ yelped all my grinning devotchkas.