Rake tangles from hair. Crawl into shower, scald myself, droplets slowly soaking into skin, recovering some strength. Slip on jumper, joggings. Collapse onto couch, trying to recollect.
Jake! He dumped me! At the party, in front of everybody, he ended our engagement, turned around, walked away. Left me stranded, a fool.
Take a walk to clear head. Paracetamol kicking in, easing physical pain. Emotional heartache remains. No quick remedy there.
Lake glistening in morning light. Toffee trots faithfully alongside. Water rippling, reflecting, refracting. I drown in memories of a wasted four-year relationship.
Fake smile as I pass the postwoman. Hurry inside, triple lock the door. Stumble through hallway, everything blurred. Feed Toffee mechanically.
Bake potato for lunch. Not hungry but know I must eat. Watch butter melting, don’t bother with tuna or beans. Promise myself I'll do better for tea. I mustn't give up. I'm worth more than this.
Make phone call to my best-friend who's full of support. Call names, vent feelings, bitch, curse and rant. Finish up laughing, tissues drying on the ground, planning girly nights out, retail therapy days.
Hake and chips from the chippie. Still not healthy - who cares? Red wine and Netflix, the choice all mine. I'm better without him. I'm going to be fine.
Cake for breakfast, no-one will know. Not the best night's sleep, cracks are still there, held together with sugar-paste, they'll harden with time. My new life starts here, I refuse to look back. If he phones, I'll hang up. If he texts, I'll delete. I deserve much better. Meanwhile, there’s Toffee, friends, family and work.
Just forget him, move on, for goodness’ sake!
Jane Claire Jackson is a Welsh writer who now lives in Normandy. Her Substack posts are entitled ‘Joyful Jottings at the Haven’. Her writing has appeared online with Voidspace Zine, NFFD, AWC’s Furious Fiction, CafeLit, Paragraph Planet, 101Words and printed in The Zest of the Lemon (Vols 1-4).
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