Saturday, 6 June 2020

'The Parable of the Picnic' by Carina Thomson

And Adam said unto Steven: “Prepare the comestibles; we shall have a picnic.” From the aisles of Tesco and by the sweat of his brow, Steven brought forth a feast.

They came upon a clearing and Steven laid out his offering. Adam said unto Steven: “What hast though added to the chicken mayo, Steve? It is good.” And it was smoked paprika and it was good. And the Lord was pleased.

But Adam rose up, clutching his throat and said: “Thou hast used ordinary mayonnaise!” And Steven answered unto Adam: “No, it was the egg-free kind!” Doubting Steven, Adam swallowed an antihistamine and declared: “If thou speaketh false, let God smite thee.”

And a mighty swarm of bees did appear. And Steven trembled on account of his mortal allergy to their poison. But the swarm passed and no sting marked Steven’s skin. And Adam believed in his innocence.

At their home, Steven opened the basket to lay claim to the last remaining pineapple slice. And a bee flew from the basket and stung his lip and he was slain. And God said unto Adam: “Look in the bin.” Adam looked and there did behold a jar of Hellmann’s ordinary mayonnaise.

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