Saturday 27 June 2015

'Wasted On The Young' by Ed Broom

Tesco Metro at half-eight wasn't where I expected to find Oscar Wilde. Yet there he stood, fresh-faced and frizzy-haired, an unexpected icon in the bagging area. Rather than velvet jacket, knee breeches and cane, he sported a crumpled blazer, poorly-tied tie and Fila rucksack. Then again, which of us doesn't struggle in the morning?

Evidently relishing his new-found immaturity, Oscar LOL-ed as his colleague - Bosie, I presume - turned up the volume of the self-service machine. Most of the pair's doughnuts had disappeared before they reached the automatic door. Near the exit, I noticed Oscar pause to take in the heading on the whiteboard:

Did You Find The Products You Wanted In Store Today?

Handwritten suggestions from the Great British public ranged from the forcefully-inked (British apples) to the fading (maple syrup pancakes) to the faint (satay something). Oscar pulled the aged marker from its Blu-Tack grip, added his twopenn'orth and strode out to rejoin Bosie.

Perhaps he'd struggled to locate any sandalwood cologne or Trafalgar shaving cream? After all, I know from personal experience that this branch can't seem to maintain an adequate stock of Head & Shoulders.

Confident that Oscar had left the building, I sidled over to view the great man's words:

NEW PEN

I wish I had written that.

3 comments:

  1. That is just so damned ace. As the saying goes: I wish I had written that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love it! Especially 'an unexpected icon in the bagging area' ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Angi & Sal -- bless the pair of you!

    ReplyDelete

FlashFlood is OPEN for submissions until 27 April 2024!

FlashFlood is OPEN for submissions from 12:01 a.m. BST on Sunday, 21 April to 23:59 BST on Saturday, 27 April 2024. You can read our submi...