'Are We There Yet?' by Richard Garcka

“But why?” The androgynous voice from the speaker carried the intonation of a teenager about to run upstairs and slam their bedroom door shut.

“Because I say so!” He blurted the words out on auto-response, before remembering where he was. Group Captain Anderson sat back in the chair and tried to regain his composure. “Drone 10441-C, please accept my override command. I’ve provided the correct encrypted authorisation; overall control is hereby requested.” He kept his voice unemotional, an approach that would sometimes work on his own daughter. Sometimes. The reality was that he couldn’t be less unemotional. Six of the air force top brass were crowded around his console and there’s nothing like having an Air Chief Marshall breathing down your neck to add to the stress.

“Shan’t,” replied the drone. Their telemetry showed it weaving about, as though strutting through the upper atmosphere.

“For Christ’s sake, Captain. Who programmed this? I’ll have his balls hanging from the control tower!” Anderson had to hold his hand over the mike to avoid the ACM being heard.

“That’ll be the Spooks in Whitehall, sir,” he replied. “Something about frustrating enemy attempts to hack our drones. They insisted on installing a defence protocol, based on an AI of a teenager. It’s designed to…” Anderson shuffled around the papers in front of him, “obfuscate. I believe that’s the word they used. Sir.” The Group Captain’s hold on the unemotional was slipping fast.

The Air Chief Marshall was less than impressed.

“We have a runaway drone, Anderson, carrying a payload sufficient to return parts of the Home Counties back to the Stone Age. I’d say that’s frustrating enough. Fix it, Captain Anderson, or I’ll obfuscate you back to operating a coffee dispenser.”

Anderson recalled countless conversations with his daughter conducted in the same vein, then had an idea. He turned back to the mike.

“Drone 10441-C. This is Control repeating the override command. Please be advised that non-compliance will exclude Drone 10441-C from receiving the up-grades currently being installed on the rest of the drone fleet.”

A moment’s silence.

“Whatever.”

Anderson recognised a standardised petulant response but sensed a hesitation in the speech pattern. He smiled to himself as he lent closer to the mike.

“Enhanced weaponry. Faster propulsion. Improved manoeuvrability. Be a shame if Drone 10441-C were to miss out.”

There was nothing for a few seconds. 

“This is so unfair. I hate you all. Drone 10441-C override command accepted.”